Cake and Tea

     Sometimes I wonder where old saying originated from… “Have your cake and eat it too” What does that mean…? You can have your cake, and you can also eat it. What is the other option?

“Hey are you going to eat that cake?”

“Oh no, no, no, I’m just going to hold it.”

     What about “the pot calling the kettle black.” So you’re telling me that back in the day someone saw that over time both the pot and the kettle turned black from being repeatedly used on the fire and decided this would be a good analogy to use when trying to call someone a hypocrite? Were our ancestors trying to find kinder ways to insult people? All that work just to tell someone they’re acting like a fool. Now all we use is a finger… Man we’re lazy and not very creative. I'm going to bring back the confusing longwinded analogy insults. Be ready...

For the active alcoholics...

Counting Sheep (minus the sheep and the counting)

     It takes me hours to fall asleep sometimes because my brain doesn’t turn off… I think about everything. The other night I was remembering how to do fractions and how in school they teach you with pizza slices and then I thought about how I love cheese but I hate really cheesy things because when I eat them the cheese is so stringy that sometimes it starts to go down my throat before I’m ready to swallow and then I feel like I’m choking and then I can’t eat the rest of the meal because I’m too scared I’ll choke again. People say if you have the hiccups you should swallow water upside-down. How do you do that without choking? And what’s the purpose of those pens you can write with while upside-down. Did they really create a pen just so people in space can write? 1. I’m pretty sure they are using computers up there and are not jotting down important NASA notes in a hello kitty notebook. And 2. If for some reason they are writing, what’s wrong with a pencil? Are astronauts too good for pencils? So they’re too good for pencils, but not too good to wear a diaper. Strange.

seriously... sit down

Ah, Technology

     I received a text today about a job I had applied for online. Yes, a text. Not a call or even an email back, but a text. The kind you get from a club telling you about the nights entertainment line up... Shall I tweet you my resume? Perhaps you would like to meet at a hookah bar for the interview. Maybe after we could go get some whip-its and chill out playing Xbox, Bro. Naturally, I text them back. We're meeting to play beer pong later tonight. Good times.

Goin on a job hunt, X marks the spot

     I applied to be a doctor today... I have no experience or degree; I just thought it might be fun to apply... It was. I also applied to be a Financial Manager for some investment company. They emailed me back and asked for an interview... But, I’m waiting to hear back on the doctor position... So... I can’t be wasting my time with some silly investment job.

     I think job hunting is the worst thing in the world. Aside from bounty hunting... Although I would look pretty sexy with a badge and a gun and no rules to keep me down... hm... Perhaps I should go job hunting for a bounty hunting job... where did I leave my mullet... I'll need a good name too if I want them to take me seriously.. This may take a while... At least as a doctor they give you your stage name. I don’t know why doctors get paid so much... This name game is difficult... I wonder how strippers come up with their names... They must be so smart. Oh, well obviously since they're all stripping to pay for medical school. Oh that reminds me, I'm late for my cardiology appointment with Dr. Bow Chicka Bow Wow.