This is not therapy

     In class when someone asks a stupid question, do you think they know they just asked a stupid question? How could you not know… Next time I’m going to lean over and say, “I’m sorry, did you hear yourself just now..? That saying, ‘there are no stupid questions,’ it’s not true. There are. So stop asking them.”

     If you ever sign up to take a communications class please understand that just because you will be learning about communication theories and you may have revelations about why you do certain things or why your partner acts a certain way, the rest of us in the class do not want to hear your stories about it. Please do not confuse the teacher with your therapist. She doesn’t know why your boyfriend gets annoyed by you. Perhaps it’s because you never stop talking. Let’s skip ahead to the chapter where you shut your mouth.

     If you are going to teach a class, do not ask me to read the chapter and write an in-depth journal about the concepts in that chapter and then expect me to care about anything you have to say during class. You just had me teach myself the entire chapter. Everything you are saying I already know. If you would like to give me some insight on the chapter or use examples that didn’t come from the chapter to better explain the concepts, this is fine. You sitting up there with your PowerPoint going over the entire chapter is like watching a movie more than once. After the first time, I’m no longer interested.

     I will never be a teacher. But If I was, I would take my class. And if you relate to what I’m talking about, so would you. If you do not relate… Still take the class - I’ll enjoy berating you. As will everyone else.

There are plenty of stupid questions out there. If you ask one, I will tell you.

    That question that just popped into your head; it's stupid. Don't ask me that... Seriously. Oh god, you're not going to listen are you? Here it comes...

3 things you should know

     I love technology. I get wired magazine and I read it. I majored in Information Security for a semester and then realized that I don’t wear a pocket protector and while I love gadgets and how things work, I don’t have the personality to be stuck in a room all day by myself working on a computer. I need human interaction. I’m a sucker for the newest electronics. They have started to make all electronics shiny instead of matted. This is not good for me. There is a store called “Extreme Geek,” there is nothing in that store I need, yet they seem to stock everything I want. I could spend a whole day wandering around Fry’s. And by “I could,” I mean “I did.”

     My brain never stops. I think about everything. Most of the time it’s all at once. It’s useful if I’m being witty, not so useful if I’m trying to pay attention in class. It takes me a while to make a serious decision because I think of all the possible outcomes. There are a million different ways a situation can go down and I think about all of them before it happens, so when it finally does happen I’m prepared. I like texting better than talking because I have longer to sit there and think about what I’m saying, how it’s going to be read, and how the other person is going to respond. If you have a serious conversation with me in person you’ll eventually notice my “thinking face.” It comes out when I’m trying to put everything you said together and form the perfect sentence. I’ve been told many times that I think too much. I’ve thought about that also.

     98% of the time I’m happy. I don’t love baby animals and sunshine, nor do I skip around singing all the time. I just don’t like bad moods. I don’t like people in bad moods. I laugh a lot. I have issues being friends with people who do not find humor in everyday life. Funny people are my weakness. If a clown asked me to rob a bank, I’d probably do it. I don’t actually think clowns are funny, but you get my point. If I ever wish on a shooting star, an eyelash, or my birthday candles, I always just wish to be happy. Because in the end, it doesn’t really matter to me what I do for a living or who I end up marrying, as long as I’m happy doing it and as long as I don’t get caught robbing that bank for the clown…

Cake and Tea

     Sometimes I wonder where old saying originated from… “Have your cake and eat it too” What does that mean…? You can have your cake, and you can also eat it. What is the other option?

“Hey are you going to eat that cake?”

“Oh no, no, no, I’m just going to hold it.”

     What about “the pot calling the kettle black.” So you’re telling me that back in the day someone saw that over time both the pot and the kettle turned black from being repeatedly used on the fire and decided this would be a good analogy to use when trying to call someone a hypocrite? Were our ancestors trying to find kinder ways to insult people? All that work just to tell someone they’re acting like a fool. Now all we use is a finger… Man we’re lazy and not very creative. I'm going to bring back the confusing longwinded analogy insults. Be ready...

For the active alcoholics...

Counting Sheep (minus the sheep and the counting)

     It takes me hours to fall asleep sometimes because my brain doesn’t turn off… I think about everything. The other night I was remembering how to do fractions and how in school they teach you with pizza slices and then I thought about how I love cheese but I hate really cheesy things because when I eat them the cheese is so stringy that sometimes it starts to go down my throat before I’m ready to swallow and then I feel like I’m choking and then I can’t eat the rest of the meal because I’m too scared I’ll choke again. People say if you have the hiccups you should swallow water upside-down. How do you do that without choking? And what’s the purpose of those pens you can write with while upside-down. Did they really create a pen just so people in space can write? 1. I’m pretty sure they are using computers up there and are not jotting down important NASA notes in a hello kitty notebook. And 2. If for some reason they are writing, what’s wrong with a pencil? Are astronauts too good for pencils? So they’re too good for pencils, but not too good to wear a diaper. Strange.

seriously... sit down

Ah, Technology

     I received a text today about a job I had applied for online. Yes, a text. Not a call or even an email back, but a text. The kind you get from a club telling you about the nights entertainment line up... Shall I tweet you my resume? Perhaps you would like to meet at a hookah bar for the interview. Maybe after we could go get some whip-its and chill out playing Xbox, Bro. Naturally, I text them back. We're meeting to play beer pong later tonight. Good times.

Goin on a job hunt, X marks the spot

     I applied to be a doctor today... I have no experience or degree; I just thought it might be fun to apply... It was. I also applied to be a Financial Manager for some investment company. They emailed me back and asked for an interview... But, I’m waiting to hear back on the doctor position... So... I can’t be wasting my time with some silly investment job.

     I think job hunting is the worst thing in the world. Aside from bounty hunting... Although I would look pretty sexy with a badge and a gun and no rules to keep me down... hm... Perhaps I should go job hunting for a bounty hunting job... where did I leave my mullet... I'll need a good name too if I want them to take me seriously.. This may take a while... At least as a doctor they give you your stage name. I don’t know why doctors get paid so much... This name game is difficult... I wonder how strippers come up with their names... They must be so smart. Oh, well obviously since they're all stripping to pay for medical school. Oh that reminds me, I'm late for my cardiology appointment with Dr. Bow Chicka Bow Wow.